Geek Tears

R2DTears

2012-02-19T17:24:00.002-08:00

Let me sum up:

From io9--a community and Make A Wish help a boy become R2D2.

Let me splain:

When I worked at Disneyland I heard a lot of amazing Make A Wish stories that brought tears to my eyes. This kid's unique pick is completely fantastic.

~Geek out

Geekapella

2012-02-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Sci-fi acapella medley.

Let me splain:
Um, sci-fi acapella medley. Nuff said. Spillover achieved with first round of Doctor Who.

Oooh eee oooh.

~Geek out

Bad Science

2012-02-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Awesome infographic from @jenicarhee and crew detailing the murky underbelly of research...

Let me splain:
I love me some science. Human ingenuity at its best has been a source of happy tears for both myself and my husband. But "science" at its worst can produce some very nasty tears.

I'm not planning on pursuing a career in academia, and concern about the crazy/shady subjectivity of research is one of several reasons that path doesn't appeal to me. This will probably break my advisor's heart once he figures it out (the "research vs. practice" bias is another interesting dynamic in psychology). I've been very lucky because my advisor is a stand-up guy...when his students have gotten results that don't map onto models that he's published, he's been really cool about it. But I've heard about students coming up with results that conflict with their advisor's work getting run into the ground, and out of their programs.

One of the most disheartening experiences I had was a few years ago. I have one (third author) publication to my name. It had just gotten accepted for publication. I went to a conference on a young researcher grant which included a mentoring session. One professor there had a similar publication with seemingly contradictory results. There were differences in our methodology and the populations being examined that I thought might account for this, and have some interesting implications, but when I tried to engage her in a conversation her response was a brisque, defensive, "No, you guys must be wrong." That experience (and the time a well-meaning mentor made me take Sesame Street clip art out of a presentation) really soured me.

At my dissertation defense, the stats expert on my committee raised a lot of concerns that weren't specific criticisms of my thesis, but broader concerns about ways that psychologists routinely misuse statistics (violating assumptions of normality, etc.). I'm pretty stats-phobic, but I've learned enough about stats and the way my colleagues use stats to appreciate that there is a lot of gray area, and a lot of choice points that can drastically impact your results. Throw the tenure system and sketchy lab dynamics into the mix, and you've got a powder keg.

It's worth noting that the DSM, our diagnostic bible, is based on studies that are vulnerable to all these flaws. It's disheartening because so many people come to a psychology clinic hoping they'll find a magic diagnosis that will obliterate their distress. But our diagnostic system is deeply flawed and subjective. And I think psychology has done itself disservice by trying to cling to a medical model that is all about symptom obliteration. Trying to get people less focused on what labels best apply to them or how they can quickly numb their symptoms and more focused on changes they want to make in their lives can be very difficult.

Raw data submission is a good call (but can also be systematically faked). And I'd like to believe that some would be willing to publish anonymously for the sake of science, but people do seem to value career advancement over truth/knowledge. Which is a huge problem.

I might jump back into research if a really compelling opportunity to study intervention efficacy arises. But this might be more dangerous for me than anything, since I strongly believe in the benefits of therapy, and experimenter bias is a well documented catalyst for bad science. Of course, that's coming from studies conducted by people who believe in the dangers of experimenter bias. Confused yet? I always thought it would be cool to win the lottery and run my own research projects, Darwin style--no funders, no universities, just me and a healthy dose of science-love. Mmmmm. Empiricism.

~Geek out

Clerks

2012-01-11T19:40:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
A wonderful, geektastic clerk at our local co-op grocery store passed away suddenly last weekend. Kevin, from Lane #1.

Let me splain:
From the article above: Kevin was a person with whom interacting required one to change their pace, and perhaps eventually, their outlook...It’s Kevin who, in the words of another’s remembrance, taught us to put relationships over transactions.

Kevin was a really cool, quirky dude, with an uncanny ability to remember people's names and co-op member numbers (a little unsettling at first, but a great boon when your brain was tired after a long day). He loved engaging people in conversations about virtually any subject, from astronomy to heavy metal to the silly t-shirts my husband and I often wear. One of my closest friends was booted from his first job as a grocery clerk because he didn’t move the line along quickly enough. I would often think fondly of this friend while interacting with Kevin. And my husband, who typically avoids conversations with strangers, has gradually taken to heading straight for Kevin's lane.

My husband and I are at the co-op together several times a week (last year, when I was living in Des Moines, I used to joke that I was worried Kevin would think we were divorced). I feel very lucky to have enjoyed frequent conversations with Kevin and I have often been touched by his passionate, offbeat, and genuinely kind nature.

I was at the store for the first time since getting the news tonight. The sight of Kevin's lane, temporarily closed down, was really hard. I am both saddened and moved as I think about the lives this guy has touched and how this loss will be felt. Kevin, with his unique and often enigmatic interpersonal style, truly embodied how one human being can reach out and connect with others. Countless others. In one very singular lifetime.

~Geek out

Christmas Tears

2011-12-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Two tearful Christmas videos for your enjoyment....

John Lewis Christmas 2011

Star Wars Christmas

Let me splain:
The John Lewis ad now officially rivals the "O Holy Night" hallmark commercial in my heart. And, ya know, Star wars.

Merry, Teary, Christmas.

~Geek out

Operation Dumbledore's Army Boots

2011-11-13T20:06:00.001-08:00

Let me sum up: Me surprising my family with the news that I finished my PhD. In the geekiest way I could manage.

Let me splain: If you wanted proof of the genetic/behavioral modeling contributions to overactive lacrimal glands, here you go! My mom is adorable. She is crying in that last clip before we even hit Potterland because the Seuss section of the park had a store named after a character I played in "Seussical the Musical" a couple years ago. Such a fun weekend! The park is pretty awesome on its own, but if you ever get the chance to go with my fantastic family, I highly recommend it! Also, BIG thanks to my dad for what is clearly the best Geek Tears photo ever.

I also want to give an usual corporate shout out to Graduate Affairs. I knew I wasn't going to be walking at the graduation ceremony this December (because I'll be in CA with my family, and because what could top this Harry Potter celebration?) I contacted the makers of the official University of Iowa robes to see if there was any way to rent the UI gear a couple months early. After three weeks I got a response which essentially read "Did we ever respond to this? Yeah, we can't do that." I did a lot of searching and couldn't find anyone that offered affordable, customizable robes. I also got ripped-off on ebay (yay buyer protection) trying to by a velvet tam from a company that apparently went kaput. I'd pretty much reconciled myself to renting a set of all black robes. Then I found Graduate Affairs, which offers customized, souvenir-quality robes for the same price as the rentals I was planning to get. When I ordered, they got back to me immediately. Even classier, they noticed a silly mistake I'd made on the order form, which they promptly helped me fix. I received my customized, super-awesome robes IN THREE DAYS!!! I identify with Slytherin, Gryffindor, and Ravenclaw all in their own special way, but getting grief from park employees all day for being a Hawkeye/Hufflepuff was AMAZING. And probably the most school spirit I've shown in my life. It also got us a free trip through the fast line at "The Forbidden Journey." I will treasure these robes as a memory of one of the niftiest days of my life. Thanks, Graduate Affairs.

Dr. Geisel, at your service.

~Geek Out

I'll Hurt You If You Stay...

2011-10-30T21:44:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Horror flick fun, with The Fly (1986)

Let me splain:
The tear photo is from the final scene, right when he puts his grubby mitt on the gun. The other big tearful scene for me is the insect politics/"I'll hurt you if you stay" monologue. Good stuffs. And of course, I'm happy to enjoy Jeff Goldblum's hotness along the way. I've been listening to a lot of the Nerdist podcast lately, and a while back they had a fun discussion about what made this remake a successful endeavor, unlike so much of the reboot fever today. Namely--Cronenberg took a good idea and actually did MORE with it.

If you're looking for sumpin to do on Halloween, grab this version of The Fly, or the Vincent Price version, or both. And have funs.

~Geek out

My Dirty Secret: I Heart Zygotes...and Rachel Maddow

2011-10-22T14:57:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Recent Rachel Maddow Man Cave

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Let me splain:
I was gleeful to see this edition of the Man Cave. And I was über-impressed by Beth Schopis’ bravery. I think there are crazy numbers of people (both men and women, unfortunately) who don’t have their heads wrapped around the science of hormonal birth control. Information is empowering, and I am thankful to Rachel and Beth for getting more of it out there.

I have some complicated emotions about contraception, so this hit home for me in a wacky, tearful way. (My Friday evening progressed with season 1 of “Walking Dead,” and even more tears).

Disclaimer/Paranoid-Attempt-to-Establish-Liberal-Street-Cred: I’m not a religious zealot. I went to college in Berkeley. I work in community mental health. I moved to Iowa a few years ago and giddily participated in a caucus for the first time by standing with Kucinich, and then Obama. I am not Elizabeth Hasselbeck. (Interestingly, Hasselbeck is the only person I know of, other than Rachel, who has talked about the pill’s uterine impact on TV. She is also a person who I think might have answered Beth’s question with “I oppose birth control because it kills people!” Or "What you're calling birth control, I call abortion!")

So…I don’t think zygotes are people, and I find it terrifying when people try to legislate on their behalf. But I had a very groovy philosophy teacher in high school who got me thinking about when people become people, and the immense grey area in this question. I don't have an objective answer to when human life begins. But I think that when two gametes have beaten the odds and fused together into a unique genetic code, that's pretty dang cool. And in my personal decision making, I don’t like the idea of doing something that would actively interfere with the viability of an egg after fertilization. When I first started taking the pill nearly a decade ago, I’d recently seen a scary evangelical rant about the pill and implantation. I explained my—admittedly quirky—stance on this topic to my doctor and asked for more information on how the pill works. Her initial response was “if you get pregnant while taking the pill, it won’t harm your baby.” And I said “Ok, but I’m asking is whether the pill can interfere with the implantation of a fertilized egg?” She said “No.”

A few years later, I read an official FDA breakdown of the three pill mechanisms presented by Rachel this week. That is, the pill:
1. Reduces the odds of an egg being present in the uterus to nearly zero.
2. Thickens cervical mucus, impeding swimmers (I was debating the odds Rachel might actually say “mucus”)!
And 3. (despite what that doc had told me) Thins the uterine lining such that it would impede implantation should an egg sneak through and get fertilized, which does happen from time to time.

So…I made an appointment at women’s health and met with a nice resident. I explained my desire to avoid interfering with the implantation of a fertilized egg, and said that I was primarily interested in talking about back-up options (sponge/cap) to have on hand for times where break-though ovulation was slightly more likely (like if I was late taking a pill during the first week of a pack) to minimize the chance of a sneaky egg getting fertilized while I'm making my uterus less-than-optimally-hospitable by taking the pill. The resident was pretty stumped by my stance. She eventually called in an older, male doctor, who pretty dismissively said that I should just make my husband wear condoms because he was lucky to be getting lucky (I had explained neither of us was a fan of condoms). I tried explaining my position as calmly as I could, but by the end I definitely had a lump in my throat and some quaver in my voice. And after about 40 minutes of chatting with both of them, the resident suggested that I seemed really paranoid about getting pregnant and said that they could give me some Plan B (which is a great option for someone whose sole goal is avoiding pregnancy, but kind of the opposite of what I was asking for since it is another method that can, potentially, interfere with implantation).

After more consideration, an interesting email exchange with a dude named Dr. Joseph Stanford (who wrote an interesting article on informed consent and the pill), a guilt heavy email exchange with folks at creightonmodel.com (who certainly weren't down with me combining their methods with scandalous barrier methods), and some reading (I was lucky enough to have access to medical journal databases as a grad student—here’s hoping open access publishing becomes more widespread!) I decided to stick with the pill. Though the “actively interfering” piece still weirds me out, the odds of an egg getting fertilized and failing to implant still seem at their lowest while I’m on the pill, since the odds of an egg inadvertently getting fertilized are higher with condoms and fertility monitoring than the pill, and fertilized eggs often naturally fail to implant. Confused/bored/annoyed yet? Thanks for sticking with me.

My experiences while trying to make decisions about contraception left me feeling pretty frustrated and vulnerable. Emotions run so hot on reproductive issues, and that often impedes the distribution of accurate, helpful information. I am a lady who wants to minimize the odds that an inadvertently fertilized egg will get turned away from Ye Olde Uter Inn (ack). I realize that’s a pretty weird stance, but that’s where I’m at. And I was left feeling misinformed and alienated when interacting with both the "natural family planning folks" and with medical professionals. I wish it had been easier to find accurate information to help me make decisions consistent with my personal preferences—that is a right and a necessity for any woman making decisions about her health. And, again, I appreciate both Rachel and Beth navigating difficult conversations to make accurate information more widely available.

~Geek out

The Force is Strong with This One

2011-10-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Flower girl makes it through wedding with Yoda's help...

Let me splain:
Holy. Cow. Can't even. Tears. Ack.

~Geek out

Science Tears

2011-10-04T18:46:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Video of a woman hearing her voice for the first time (submitted by reader Nile):

Let me splain:
Nile was debating the geeky merits of this video. I say--go team science! Using brain power to enhance quality of life and experience of the world is pretty sexy. And pretty geeky. And she's adorable.

~Geek out

Vincent and the Doctor

2011-09-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
The Doctor taking Vincent Van Gogh to see his work on display

(Couldn't get the clip, but it's in this lovely vid):

Let me splain:
Sorry! Naughty! It's been a while. I've been in the magical void that is dissertating. But I handed off a draft to my advisor last week. Hopefully he will greenlight my defense soon, and geeky celebrations will ensue!

I had a friend suggest posting some Doctor Who goodness a while back. When it comes to tears and Doctor Who, my dilemma is an embarassment of riches. I've just been having trouble picking. But we recently watched this episode, and it seemed appropriate fodder for posting.

I just started a job at a mental health center. I've had a framed "Starry Night" for years and had been toying with the idea of taking it to work. Van Gogh painted it while at Saint-Rémy asylum, which seemed appropriate. Maybe too appropriate. But this episode tipped me...it'll probably always be a staple of my office from now on.

~Geek out
P.S. Enjoy the geeky musical stylings of TheBrand6011!

Potter Aftershocks

2011-08-09T18:37:00.000-07:00

Still haven't made it to "Cowboys vs. Aliens." Was bummed I didn't find Hugo Weaving quite as compelling as usual in "Captain America" (I'm not enough of a villain geek to cheer for Nazis, even when they go rogue) but the hand grenade training scene did evoke a tear or two.

Anyhoo, I'm still hung up on "Deathly Hallows," so here are a few more things that got me misty (a little beautiful, mostly silly)...

1) WTF Japan, Seriously Harry Potter

2) Metal Potter

3) Feel Good Potter

4) It Gets Better Snape

~Geek out

Comic Con Aftermath

2011-07-28T13:16:00.000-07:00

Sorry I'm a week behind...I'm on the road with my husband for a bike trek across Iowa (I'm his "Sag Hag" or "Gear Gal").

I've caught up on comic con coverage, and here are a few items that got me misty!

From The Daily What....
Spoiler Alert of the Day: This photo is now cannon.

More Star Wars Kiddo Shlock

Surprise Hugs!

"It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Day Man Sing Along

And...my favourite masquerade entry. Futterwacken-ing Hatter!

In other con news, it sound like "Cowboys vs. Aliens" may be tear inducing. We shall see this weekend!

~Geek out

Comic Con, Take 1

2011-07-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

No tears yet from SDCC coverage....but here are a couple tidbits that I greatly enjoyed while cruising flickr...

1) From comic con 2010...shots of kids and awesome costumes are always fun.

2) People who are so excited about comic con, they take a picture of the badge lady.

3) Groups with delightfully discrepant costumes!

4) Iron Man dress AND a puppy?!

5) The family that cosplays together stays together.

6) The fact that I recognize a scary number of cosplay folks...like former "Who Wants to be a Superhero" hopeful, Purrkayla!

7) Skeptical children.

And finally, via io9, a shirt by Alaska Robotics that started off as something I wanted, and ended up as something my surly husband finds hilarious.

~Geek out

Harley Quinn Makeover Mayhem

2011-07-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Sad tears for the new DC reboot Harley Quinn design...

Let me splain:
I know, I know. Things change. My bone is not with change, it’s with silly change. I was actually kinda excited when I heard about the DC Universe reboot. I fell in love with Harley on BTAS. I’ve grabbed some Batman comics over the years, usually for Harley or Joker content, and borrowed other books from my husband. But I’ve never gotten super into comic book geekery because it felt like there was just too much history to ingest. The reboot seemed like a neat potential antidote to this dilemma. That said....I fully appreciate the ire of fans who HAVE dedicated themselves to the comics already in existence.

Whatever my initial feelings about the reboot, like many Harleyites, I am really disappointed with how Harley Quinn looks in the new Suicide Squad comic. A fellow HQ fan requested that I post about the new design because it elicited some rare tears from her. Harley fans ain’t prudes. My favouite San Diego Comic Con experience (and costuming experience) to date involved some rather risqué Harley. Several fabulous pillars of the Harley costuming community have been known to shake their groove-things in burlesque shows. We like sexy! But we like character-consistent sexy. Sexy with a purpose. Harley's nightie getup in "Mad Love" gave us a perfect peek into her relationship with the Joker. Arkham Asylum Harley seemed a little more gratuitous, but I could wrap my head around it because sexy nurse is really just a hilarious bad joke. Harley can make that work. Shorty shorts, a precarious bustier, and a pointless cape...less workable. (Come on…a cape?!)

I have a really sweet memory of my Mom explaining how different takes on the same character come to be. I was trying to reconcile two different King Arthur stories as a kid…probably the musical “Camelot” and Disney’s “Sword in the Stone.” She explained that people pass on stories, and as they do they add on their own ideas. “So if someone really likes Merlin…maybe they add new details about him, or make him funnier, or more powerful.” And that’s art. That’s gorgeous. Over 800 years. But don’t introduce me to a wonderful character and then make her nearly unrecognizable all in my wee little lifetime.

Harley has a special place in the cockles of me old heart. She’s a character that resonated with me in those tricky, identity molding, early adolescent years. My psychology-geekery is tangled up with her. As is my love of villainry and hunting for humanity in big bads like the Joker. I won’t be at SDCC this year, but I hear tell there will be a Harleypalooza protest...in addition to other reboot protests. My good wishes and rubber chickens go with them! If previous comic con protests are any indication, it should be a sweet and hilarious good time. And hey, if anyone might listen to a pack of ladies in spandex, it’s DC.

~Geek out

P.S. Remember--we stand for sexy with a porpoise!

Wait, scratch that, I mean sexy with a purpose!

Deathly Spoilers--Part Tears!

2011-07-15T20:37:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
So geeked out and happy with "Deathly Hallows--Part 2." It's been a fun week, full of anticipatory tears. There were many nifty moments etched in my mind that I was really anticipating would get me crying. A few of these didn't hit me quite the way I expected...sometimes because of departures from the book, but also admittedly because I had very vivid, rigid pictures of how these scenes would play. But I certainly cried a ton...twice as much as the last flick. And I was fully sated by the things I cared most about. Namely...

Let me splain:
My Snape allegiance is clear in the banner, folks (that's a Snape is Innocent shirt, and before/during shots of my first read through of Deathly Hallows). Seriously, for a "Harry Potter" fan, my investment in the character of Harry Potter is surprisingly tenuous. I joked with my husband yesterday that I wouldn't care if they rewrote the movie so that Voldemort won, as long as I got juicy Severus scenes. With that, let's break down the tears surrounding this flick.

Pre-Tears
Yeah, this is a thing. I knew I was in trouble when, several times over the past few weeks, just thinking about certain scenes got me misty (this happened around 7 times in line for the movie tonight). In addition to those moments, there were some ridiculous events that got me crying before the curtain went up (don't you miss when curtains actually went up?)
1) A message I received from my Mom as we arrived at the theater, indicating that she'd cried while reading a review.
2) Dead ringer for Comic Book Guy who came in and sat, alone, in an isolated chair in the corner.
3) Little girl at the theater with a blond wig (8pm Friday show, no other costumes). I asked her if she was dressed as Luna, and indeed she was. Glee. Don't worry, I didn't cry in front of her.

Tear Breakdown
1) Headmaster Snape at the window. Rawr.
2) Griphook breakin' it down at Shell Cottage. Okay, this was a ridiculous place to cry. But I dug the "Even goblins know Harry Potter" line. And I have a huge crush on Mr. Warwick Davis (I'm a villain geek, the Lep has a sexy tongue). Getting to see him play a lovely, lengthy, subtle scene tickled me.
3) Gringott's Dragon! Wow, this one did not hit me in the book at all. But those initial shots of the captive critter almost got me crying. And that made the escape extra gorgeous and exhilarating and tear-inducing.
4) Neville explaining the new DODA techniques, and his refusal to participate. Oh, Neville Hotbottom. You're top notch. This sweet moment reminded me a bit of Fred and George comforting young students during Umbridge's reign.
5) Guess who's at Hogwarts ya'll...Harry Potter! This scene was lovely and hilarious. The lightning has struck! I appreciated the face-time given to this wacky rag-tag band of students. Before many of them bit the dust.
6) Harry calling Snape out. Conflicted tears! Oh lil Harry, if you only knew.
7) Minerva saying she is glad to see Harry. Squee.

*** Ron and Hermione kisses should be next. If Ron had been talking about house elves, I would have been paying rapt attention. But in the seconds it took my brain to adjust to the rewrite, I kinda missed the kiss. I'm sure I'll enjoy it the next time I see the movie. I know, I know, they skipped all the SPEW stuff and that would have made the moment random. But Hermione is characteristically compassionate (example...they showed her indignant about the Gringott's dragon in this flick). It wouldn't have been that random. And I like that the book kiss was Hermione's response to Ron's delightful, unexpected thoughtfulness. I'm married to a guy I've known since high school, though we didn't start dating until college. When you know someone for many years, you often get some nifty surprises as you grow and change together. And those changes sometimes let the whole relationship take a new direction. This is makin me misty. Moving on.***

8) Aberforth...hrm, look who hasn't given up. Dug the shot of him fighting. Incidentally, I didn't really mind that they didn't get into Ariana or Grindelwald or other pieces of Dumbledore's backstory, though I'm sure this will bug some folks. These parts of the book didn't resonate much with me...though I haven't reread since Rowling spoke on Dumbledore's sexuality. That said, I was hoping for some allusion to Aberforth's penchant for the goats. Anyhoo, much love for Ciarán Hinds. Really dug his take on Rochester in "Jane Eyre" a few years back.
9) Snape's last scene with Voldemort. And Nagini. Lots of anticipatory tears. Thought how they shot Nagini's attack was powerful and well done.
10) Snape's last words with Harry. The tweak to "Look at me" was another moment where my brain took a second to adjust. I appreciate that they added "You have your Mother's eyes" to make the line clearer. Part of me wants to be annoyed they spelled this out, but it's a great moment and I get that they want folks to be in on it. But I was just waiting for those 3 little words, delivered with appropriate...Rickman...gravitas. The addition shifted the punch and took me by surprise. Another case where a change threw me but I'll probably bawl the next time I see it.
11) Fred?...George?...Remus...and Tonks. Yeah, I'm an ass. I adore them, but I can never remember which twin bites it. Sorry. Like the book, this moment was wrenching. And quickly gave way to the other heavy business at hand.
12) Lead up to the pensieve. Again, lots of anticipatory tears.
13) Snape, Lily, and other pensive gems. We're talking 8 minutes or so of solid tears. Embarrassing, unavoidably audible sob at one point. I LOVED what they did with the childhood scenes. Really lovely. Rock on, kiddos. And so much Rickman goodness. And so many Snape tears. I was elated that they gave this moment its due. I'm a dork and had forgotten this is where Harry realizes he's an additional horcrux, so I should have know it would be in there. I was so glad they got the explanation of the doe patronus in too, though. The addition of Harry asking about the doe in King's Cross was a perfect way to bring this point home (this was an addition, yeah?) Honestly, the only detail I really missed in the other movies was the connection between Harry's patronus and his dad's animagus. It seemed like a pretty large (and easily corrected) oversight. So I'm glad things were different this time around. I know bits of the pensieve scene will still confuse my Dad and others who haven't religiously ingested the books, but I was so happy with what they chose to include here. Happy sigh.

***Incidentally, this series of really rough scenes for Snape-lovers is followed by like 10 minutes of near silence. Was I the only one mouth breathing while holding in a loud, uncomfortable sniffle this whole time?***

14) Lily's words to Harry via the resurrection stone. Fresh on the heels of the pensieve scenes....man, Mom's rock.
15) Neville talking about losses. Aw, Neville.
16) Molly goes mama-bear. Man, I love this line. Again, yay Mom's. Moment didn't pack quite the punch I expected (maybe because the crowd didn't burst into applause like I had hoped), but I loved it. Doesn't hurt that Julie Walters is a dead-ringer for my mom.
17) Decapitation time, Nagini. Again, mad props Matthew Lewis. I'm looking forward to reading adorable interviews with you now that I'm not avoiding Potter coverage. Heh, notice I jump from here to the epilogue. Voldemort, schmodemort.
18) "Albus Severus". Well earned, tearful finale.

~Geek out

Potter Prep

2011-07-13T19:22:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of geeky goodness coming up in the next week, folks. I'll be posting my breakdown of hysterical sobbing from "Deathly Hallows--Part 2" this weekend. I'm planning a reader-requested post on the DC reboot of Harley Quinn next week. Aaaaaand I'll also be posting anytime Comic Con coverage catches my lacrimal glands off guard.

Seriously though. Harry Potter. I've avoided info/reviews as much as possible (though, baby spoiler, I did stumble across evidence that the epilogue made it in). And I gotta say, as a Snape girl, I'm excited. I'm blessed with a crap memory, so I'm rarely bummed about details from the book that don't make it into the movie. With the notable exception of Snapey-content. I've been dissapointed in the past by how little flashback/pensieve footage has made it in. So I was stoked when they announced they were splitting Deathly Hallows into two parts. I was happy to fork over the extra cash and sit through the nail-biting "We're hanging out in the woods!" action of Part I if it meant Snape might get more screen time in Part II. I don't expect them to cover Chapter 33 in detail (thought it would be amazing if they did). Honestly, I'd be happy if they just do a couple shots of Snape and Lily as kids as Snape says his final line. Yeah. That'd be good. I get misty just thinking about it. But for once, I think the movie might exceed my expectations, because you need a big dose of Snape and the pensieve to get to the epilogue. And because Snape deserves it, dang nab it. Greatest Harry Potter character ever.

In the meantime, a little niblet to whet your appetite...Rickman's letter written for the Empire Magazine Potter spread. Which totally made me cry.

~Geek out

Home in the Sky

2011-07-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Shiny video submitted by Smeagol92055...

Let me splain:
Thanks, Smeagol--this video did indeed make me misty. I have Firely on the brain this week, having recently enjoyed Nathan Fillion's important new Nerd PSA (directed by Chuck's Zachary Levi!) And, of course, as I mentally gear up up for Comic Con geekiness. Thank goodness for youtube, when we're too lazy/poor to make the trek to California for SDCC.

Bonus--here's a Firefly rap, if that's more your speed.

~Geek out

Whimsical Disneyland Darth

2011-06-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Awesome commercial for the attraction that inspired sad tears last year (and my first Geek Tears entry)...

Let me splain:
It's been a wacky year, folks. Living apart from the hubs on weekdays. Completing that lameness (and internship) this Friday! Recently nailing down a great job/postdoc that I can do while living with my husband. And a whole lot of tears, gleeful and woeful.

I never posted any follow-up to my original post. My husband and I did make it to Disneyland last summer. We rode the original Star Tours several times. My teasy husband kept pointing to boys ages 5-10, and playfully reminding me: "The new ride is for them. Don't you want them to be happy?"

We have not yet ridden Star Tours: The Adventures Continue, which recently opened. I haven't looked at much review stuff...wanna be surprised when we do make it. Regardless of whether I enjoy the new attraction (which I probably will, cause I'm a sucker), this commercial is frickin lovely.

~Geek out

Love, Dad

2011-06-20T16:05:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Sweet Google Chrome ad....

Let me splain:
This isn't the only Google Chrome ad to make me cry, but it was the first.

Happy Father's Day, Geeks.

~Geek out

PS--Enjoy the new layout (sorry it took me this long to keep videos from getting cut off).

In the Company of Mutants

2011-06-16T15:31:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up:
It's a first ever geek tears mash-up! With "Company" and "X-Men First Class." (See--this new random posting thing can be fun...)

Let me splain:
Both bits of pop culture goodness definitely made me cry this week. And there is one sexy thread linking them that I really wanted to write about, but I'll save that for last. So we have a version of Sondheim's "Company" recently performed by the Philharmonic and and all-star cast, filmed, and released in theatres yesterday (Neil Patrick Harris's birthday--w00t!) And we have the latest installment in the X-Men movies.

I'd seen "Company" once before. Not my favorite Sondheim of all time, but I really enjoy it. It's a gorgeous show about the pain, ambivalence, and joy in romantic relationships. (Here's a taste). The cast was amazing. Stephen Colbert's performance of "Sorry-Grateful" was heart-wrenching, and definitely tear-inducing. Which is funny, because the song doesn't totally resonate with me. Granted, I approached dating in a very quirky way (lots of kissy-face in Preschool, made out with a few guys in Jr. High, made out very little with my two gay High School boyfriends, then had a reflective dry-spell until the night I gave in to being wooed by my best friend of 7 years). At any rate, I've never for a moment been sorry I got hitched. And--though this is me talking out of my ass--I get the feeling Colbert doesn't have a lot of sorry days either. But all relationships still bring vulnerability, complication, and struggle, and this song touches on the slippery, lovely reasons that we pursue relationships in spite of such pain.

There are too many things I loved about this show to name them all. But I loved that "Getting Married Today" finally got our audience clapping out loud (people love them some patter song!) I loved Lupone's take on "Ladies Who Lunch." And I loved getting choked up along with NPH as he sang "Being Alive." I am a relationship geek.

Now to comic book geekery. I'm not very familiar with the X-Men cannon, but I am a sucker for villain origin stories. Pretty much every Erik/Magneto scene made me cry. I loved many things about this movie (most centered around Erik and Charles), and strongly disliked some others (honestly forgot who Moira was by the end of the movie, not to mention the other mutants). And I was wildly entertained by the fact that Kevin Bacon looked exactly like Gary Cole for most of it.

So why write about these two movies together? You might think it's because debates have been raging around both projects over whether authors intentionally included gay subtext. I think the overall party line tends to be YES to "X-Men" and NO to "Company." I also think that once an artist hands-off their work to an audience, it takes on new meaning. And that's what makes art sexy, baby. Unless you take the Woody Allen approach and carry Marshall McLuhan around with you.

But my main point today has nothing to do with gay subtext. Or tears. It has to do with a little something I call the "Cary Elwes" effect. I grew up with a huge crush on Mr. Elwes, thanks to his work in "Princess Bride" and "Men in Tights." Wasn't crazy about him in "Twister." And most of the hostility I bear the "Saw" franchise comes from the fact that the first "Saw" movie confirmed that Mr. Elwes, though charming in his way, can't act his way out of a paper bag (or a death trap) unless he's hitting that one, dashing note. Sadly, many have noted that Ms. January Jones (who I adore on "Mad Men") seems to be subject to this phenomenon, too. I wanna say she got stuck in the same bind as Natalie Portman in the "Star Wars" movies--making a choice to play a character as super emotionally controlled is tricky (I worry this will come up for another XMFC star, Jennifer Lawrence, in The Hunger Games). But yeah. Throw Betty Draper in white lingerie, and you have Emma Frost.

Which is why I have to give one last bit of love to Ms. Christina Hendricks, aka Joan from "Mad Men." Her performance in "Company" was wonderful and goofy and endearing. My main comment afterwards to my hubby was "Did you see that? How she had a different voice than on 'Mad Men?' I think that's called act-ing."

~Geek out

Super Baby

2011-06-12T19:13:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Hygena from "Who Wants to Be a Superhero" had a baby!

Let me splain:
I love me some Stan Lee. I love me some superhero reality TV. And I was sad to see this cheese-tastic endeavor get cancelled after 2 seasons.

I enjoyed Season 2. I actually auditioned for it, and met lots of fabulous geeks along the way (haven't watched my audition video in years, and I make no promises as to its quality. Mixing geeky auditions with a WWE Mall tour, frankly, did not seem like good synergy). One of the niftiest folks I met at the St. Lois auditions was Ms. Smegabyte, who digitized my "Mad Love Harley Quinn" vhs for YouTubes! Anyhoo, WWTBASH is long gone, so I'm comfortable revealing my secret identity.

The geek in me was rooting for Basura at the beginning of Season 2--she made our ranks very proud. Buy I had a soft spot for Hygena/Melody Mooney. I've long since lost touch with the fine Superheros on the Syfy forums, but I had a recent, random compulsion to google Hygena. Though she didn't win, she did show enormous heroism when she shared about her and her husband's battle to conceive. My husband and I aren't there yet, but I'm pretty terrified about the prospect of trying to make tiny humans, even in the best case scenario. Anyhoo, Hygena shared in the finale that she had struggled, but that she and her husband were going to try again. And since then I've googled (maybe once a year?) hoping for happy news. Which emerged recently! And my salty kryptonite did flow. Super-Mom, Dad, and baby appear to be doing well.

~Geek out

Geek-posal

2011-05-30T13:15:00.000-07:00

Let me preamble:
It's Geek Tears' 1 year anniversary! So many tears. Lots of changes coming up for me...like finishing my internship and living with my husband full-time again, hooray! I'm going to be changing things up a bit here, too. Instead of the weekly post, I'll be updating as the tearful mood takes me. Might be a little less frequent, but I'll try to keep it geeky for ya.

Let me sum up:
My husband's super-geeky proposal...

Let me splain:
Reader Niles recently showed me this movie geek proposal. Sweet--but the couple look to me like they could definitely sit at the cool kid table. I also recently saw this article on Geeky Proposals. And I posted a while back about the PAX proposal this year (not the first PA proposal to make me cry).

My husband, however, can give all these folks a run for their geeky money. So here it is...

Trip to Vegas with his family. I spend the day with his mom and sister and aunt and cousin while he is secretly setting up. He calls and asks me to come meet him. A sign on the door says "Come in..."

The room is done up like the scene from UHF when Weird Al tries to get his girlfriend back. Balloons, flowers, crazy sign. He's nowhere to be seen (hiding behind the couch, apparently). The Nightmare Before Christmas "My Dearest Friend" song is playing (later, another of our favourite songs, "Simple Truth" by Tsunami Bomb starts to play).

There is a box on a table. As I walk up, a hands pops out of the box holding roses, ala the Joker's present to Vicki Vale in Batman. (The fact that his proposal involved a manikin hand elaborately rigged up on a car antenna, but that wasn't where he put the ring confused people no end). There's a note on the hand saying "Look under the table..."

Under the table there's a laptop on a box and a cd that says "Play me..." The CD has a power point presentation with many inside jokes, and which culminates in a recreation of the way Lisa Simpson gets proposed to on the Simpsons...fireworks, glitch, a cow with a sign that says "Marry Me?" The final slide says to look in the box under the laptop.

Which, of course, contains the man eating rabbit from Holy Grail with the ring in its mouth.

~Geek out

Save him

2011-05-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
"Saving the Frogs" scene, among others, from E.T.

Let me splain:
I can't pinpoint the precise moment I became a crier. But this is definitely one of my clearest memories of a complete crying jag. I'd seen the movie many times as a kid. But when I was about 21 I was home on vacation, entertaining my 12 year old cousin along with my Mom. We watched E.T., and it was one of the first times I remember completely losing it. Along with my Mom. While my cousin just stared at us in confusion and horror.

~Geek out

In-N-Tears

2011-05-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Video of the opening day of the Dallas In-N-Out (if you don't have 2 whole minutes to spare, skip to 0:58-1:30).

Let me splain:
I've devoted very little space to what a food-geek I am. I don't get snobby about many foods (other than Mexican food...as a transplant from California to the Midwest). But do I spend an enormous amount of time thinking about and enjoying food. For instance, my husband is about to do a bike marathon, and I spent 2 hours today googling delicious off-road sites where I can eat while I'm shlepping his gear from one town to another by car. Also, the main perk of my current psychology internship is that I get to be a cheese mule for an amazing local goat cheese (and get free samples) when I commute home on the weekends. Also also, I recently consumed my first (but not last) donut cheeseburger.

One of the first research labs I worked in studied hedonic capacity--essentially, the ability to enjoy things. I am very high on what they call anticipatory hedonic capacity (interestingly, this is often impaired in folks with schizophrenia). Early on while dating me, my husband realized you can't mention getting Japanese food in the morning and then decide you want pizza while driving to dinner. I've been thinking about that sushi all day, dang nab it...things could get ugly.

As a former Californian, I know that few things match the food fervor surrounding In-N-Out. I anticipate those burgers like few others (Kuma's Corner did recently blow my mind, though). Pre-smart phone, my husband and I had a hard-copy map to track In-N-Outs on our annual drive home for Christmas. I used to have a contest with another friend who had departed California to see who could eat at In-N-Out the most times during visits home. I remember feeling über-cool in Jr. High, in the back seat of my sister's boyfriend's car, enjoying a 3x3 while they ate their grilled cheeses with grilled onions (an enormous boon to vegetarians). All of which is to say, I feel your tears, random Dallas lady.

~Geek out

Baby Mine

2011-05-09T19:25:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up:
"Baby Mine" from "Dumbo"

Let me splain:
A moment for Disney geeks. Such a heart tweaking scene. Even Timothy Q. Mouse can't help tearing up. For those who haven't seen the flick in a while, Dumbo's Mom is locked up because she was defending her baby.

The song is so 40's-tastic. There's an extra verse not included here...fits over the instrumental. I'm not sure who added it--possibly Bette Midler for her cover? At any rate, I remember being really moved listening to the lyrics for the first time as an adult. Which was while enjoying Bonnie Raitt's fabulous cover on the equally fabulous album "Stay Awake." I'd always heard this album was an underground, non-Disney-authorized affair. And it's totally worth it for the Tom Waits "Heigh Ho" cover. Not to be enjoyed alone in the dark. Check out "Music From the Park" while you're at it. It IS Disney authorized. And has Tim Curry singing "The Ballad of Davy Crockett," for goodness sakes.

Here are the full lyrics. Yay Mommies.

Baby mine, don't you cry
Baby mine, dry your eyes
Rest your head close to my heart
Never to part, baby of mine
Little one when you play
Don't you mind what you say
Let those eyes sparkle and shine
Never a tear, baby of mine
If they knew sweet little you
They'd end up loving you too
All those same people who scold you
What they'd give just for
The right to hold you
From your head to your toes
You're not much, goodness knows
But you're so precious to me
Cute as can be, baby of mine

~Geek out

The Friend Zone

2011-05-02T17:17:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up/splain:
Top 10 Geeks to be Stuck in the Friend Zone (and make me cry)

Xander (Buffy) “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

Willow (Xander) “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”

Ducky (Andie) “Pretty in Pink”

Dean Venture (Triana) “Venture Bros”

Hermione (Ron) “Harry Potter”

Mulder (Scully) “The X-Files”

Brian Krakow (Angela Chase) “My So Called Life”

Sally (Jack) “Nightmare Before Christmas”

Bert (Mary Poppins) “Mary Poppins”

Frye (Leela) “Futurama”

~Geek out

Geek Shirts

2011-04-25T17:21:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Some greatest hits of the geeky t-shirts my husband has bought me over the years.

Let me splain:
Yeah. We's nerds. My husband actually left the "Curie's in Love" shirt hanging from a ceiling fan on my last birthday. Which did indeed make me cry. Like a Wookie in an existential quandary.

~Geek out

I Wanted to Save Both of Them

2011-04-17T19:42:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up:
Butterfly scene from Trigun.

Let me splain:
More Japanese goodness. The husband and I have been having fun with streamy Netflix since we got rid of cable. I'd watched a little Trigun with him before, and remember the Rem story tugging me heartstrings. I really enjoyed rewatching this weekend.

This scene gets me. The things that feel right don't always make sense. Case in point--I'm totally with Vash. Aaaaaand I killed a spider for my husband this morning.

~Geek out

Mr. Children

2011-04-11T19:22:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Music video from Japanese rock band Mr. Children detailing their epic origins! Sort of.

Let me splain:
This week's submission comes from reader Nile. Though the video contains tears, it didn't quite tip me over the spill point. Tears are tricky and subjective that way. But you don't need to speak Japanese to enjoy the story. And as a regular reader of WTF Japan, Seriously!? I was happy to get some potential tear fodder from the floating kingdom that is both wacky and emotional.

~Geek out

Cr-Happy Ending

2011-04-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Brazil "Love Conquers All" Ending

Let me splain:
This makes me cry tears of rage...because it's so dang bad. This is the ending of the 94 minute version of this fabulous film, edited by Universal to make it more...accessible? commercial? palatable? for TV viewers. This version basically involves splicing a lot of random fantasy sequences together as though they were reality. And it hurts my brain. Gilliam's original cut makes me cry plenty of genuine tears. Take a twisty Gilliam world, add a dash of Tom Stoppard, throw in some Michael Palin (in my opinion, the most endearing Python) as a total creeper, and top off with a dash of melty-face Mona from "Who's the Boss," just for kicks!

~Geek out

Big Rocks

2011-03-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Covey on priorities

Let me splain:
This is cheesy as hell. But I have a supervisor who makes me cry whenever he says "put the big rocks in first."

~Geek out

Real Scrubs Finale

2011-03-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

Let Me Sum Up:
Scrubs Season 8 Finale

Let me splain:
This week's submission comes from robertmillion, who recently--and very kindly--did a review of my youtube-ness. It feels nice and organic when a reader submission is something I KNOW made me cry the first time around. This season finale is no exception.

Scrubs is one of those shows that flew under my radar for a few years, then I finally started watching it with my hubby. It has made me cry many times (including this cover of Israel Kamakawiwo'ole's cover of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow"...not the first time Israel made me cry). And I may have once had an erotic dream about the Janitor...but that's another story.

I have a very neat pal from Jr. High/High School who now works at ABC comedy, and I remember her voicing her frustration that today's tears fodder did not stand as the ACTUAL Scrubs finale. I think the hubs and I made it through all of Season 9. I think. And Eliza Coupe was delightful. But this is clearly the real deal.

~Geek out

Very Good Advice

2011-03-14T18:11:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Alice has a sad.

Let me splain:
Don't tell me the Tulgey Wood didn't freak your business out as a kid. Alice sheds tears a few times in this flick, but this is the one scene that can really get me weepy. Specially when I'm having one of those feels-like-I'm-always-too-small-or-too-tall days. We all get a little lost now and again.

Incidentally, there may be a few more Disney tributes over the next couple months. This is going to be a kooky year career-wise since I'm almost done with my program and my hubby has one more year. I'm about to embark on some...non-traditional job interviews. I needs to get in the mood.

Geeky fairy tale bonus!

~Geek out

Alien Encounters

2011-03-07T17:56:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Humanity translated via aliens, à la "3rd Rock from the Sun"

Let me splain:
The husband and I bid farewell to cable recently and have been getting our kicks through streamy netflix. We've been watching some classics, like "3rd Rock." Sappy enough for me, ridiculous enough for physicist husband. We've really been enjoying it.

I'm not a dorky English major, but sometimes I like to pretend I am. I've been thinking of how many cool bits of pop culture give us humanity through the eyes of aliens...or at least beings alien to humankind. I actually rely on this trope while doing IQ testing with kids--the vocabulary section usually starts with a question like "What is a shoe?" Which is kind of a weird question to answer. And when kids give a blank stare it is often helpful to follow-up with something like "Pretend I'm an alien from another planet and I've never heard of a shoe before-- what can you tell me about it?"

Lots of other alien goodness comes to mind..."The Forgotten Door," The Little Prince, The Doctor, Dr. Manhattan. Uhhhh, Blue Man Group? All give gorgeous takes on what makes us tick. Another favourite has got to be Anya from "Buffy." Alright, she's no alien, but the transformation from vengeance demon to high schooler was always rife with hilarity...and sometimes tears. Other favourites?

~Geek out

So nice to know there are Jackalopes around...

2011-02-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Pixar's Boundin'

Let me splain:
I'm in an Oscar mood. And this short came to mind (you can get 'em all on iTunes, I hear tell). I doubt they'll ever top this one for me. For enjoyment or tears.

I'm also geeking out because yesterday, I got to make Pixar-themey food for an Oscar party...(the flavors are "Sweet" and "Assaulty.")

~Geek out

Clone High

2011-02-21T14:32:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Clone High...let's say the last 30 seconds

Let me splain:
Clone High is one of those shows that I hesitate to recommend to folks because it was so very awesome and yet so very short lived. That makes the last 30 second of the last episode doubly sad. And I'm not going to post those last 30 seconds because you otta go buy the whole darn thing and watch it start to finish.

Here's the theme song though, for the uninitiated:

~Geek out

Sad Centaurs

2011-02-14T18:51:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
The lonely, blue centaurs finally get some play...

Let me splain:
Sometimes, when you're a lady centaur, and you don't get quite as whored-up as the other lady centaurs, it takes you a while to find a nice boy.

Happy Valentine's Day!

~Geek out

P.S. Incidentally, the centaur scenes originally included a small, black centaur polishing the ladies' hooves and weaving flowers into their tails. In the later 60's re-release, Disney had enough sense to artfully zoom in on the hot, pale centaurs for these scenes, but for a while actually denied that the decidedly un-PC character had ever existed. Oh, Disney.

Silly Willy Tears, Narf!

2011-02-07T18:23:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Pinky and the Brain Christmas

And more...since I can't find the whole ending in one clip...

Let me splain:
Sorry...I'm a few months late on this one. But I didn't want to wait until next year. You remember this awesomeness? Yeah, I bet you do. This episode rivals O'Henry for tear-wrenching holiday spirit. You know they have this business on dvd these days? That's right, nerds. Netflix, post haste!

~Geek out

Sal. Kitty. Ooooooh.

2011-01-31T18:13:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Sal dances. Kitty gets it.

Let me splain:
I am a theatre-geek. My two serious boyfriends before my husband are both gay. One of them has über-evangelical parents and once told me that if I hadn't broken up with him, he thinks he might have tried to make me a Beard for Life. That's terrifying to hear. That's why I was super mesmerized by this scene from "Mad Men" season 3. It's gorgeous. And so sad. Kitty doesn't have many scenes but man, she nailed this look. My husband had to ask "Is that her getting it?" "Yeah baby. That's her getting it."

I also wanted to post this scene because my husband and I are almost finished with season 3. I have a lot of empathy for Kitty. But also for Sal. I think every Sal storyline made me cry at some point. I'm pretty big on martial fidelity, but I was totally rooting for him every time it seemed like he was finally gonna get some XY love. And events near the end of season 3 made me very sad indeed. Totally thought Don had Sal's back. But of course, Don just minds his own business, until someone's "business" interferes with business.

~Geek out

Last Minutes With Oden (Warning: wrenching tears)

2011-01-24T18:23:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Beautiful documentary about parting with a much loved friend.

Let me splain:
This is a little off the geeky path, but I will gladly defend my status as an animal geek. I think I've mentioned the dog paw mark that would pop up on my forehead when I cried as a kid (it has resurfaced recently...you can catch it in some of my photos). At any rate, this mark was often deemed appropriate for a girl who favored St. Francis and who maintained her Ranger Rick subscription until the age of 15.

However, I also came from an allergy heavy gene pool. We never had proper mammals growing up. A couple family pets--a hamster named Marble, a tarantula named Noel. My sister got an adorable lop that ended up being more akin to the Monty Python bunny. And I sated myself with a snake named Blossom and three chameleons (named--possibly to overcompensate for "Blossom"--Byron Caliban Mission De Bergerac, Vladimir Adrian Chernabog Dodgson III, and Dolores Augusta Persephone Liddell).

I have, however, developed a big old pile of love for my husband's family dog, Shelby. A few years into my relationship with my husband, I mistakenly thought I'd achieved Family Member Status when Shelby stopped jumping on me when I entered my in-laws' home and barking at me when I hugged my husband. I quickly realized, however, that Shelby's aging muscles and eyes were the true culprits.

Shelby is hanging in there but I've recently begun to realize that soon I will be faced, for the very first time, with the loss of a dog I call family. The video above captures the struggle to release the pure, unconditional love that a pet brings. The eyes of a dog have a sort of wonderful warmth and acceptance. The same feeling we get when we bask in the face of a tiny hu-man...before language comes along and mucks things up. Letting go of this kind of love necessitates overcoming a basic human selfishness. Just like reconciling ourselves to the death of any loved one who has been in immense pain. Physical or otherwise. Trading our pain for their liberation. Letting go as an act of love.

~Geek out

I Am in Ur Teen Novels, Stealin Ur Awesome Lines

2011-01-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
"I love you." "I know."

Let me splain:
Alright, this is an obvious choice for a romantically inclined geek. But I needed to do this post for the youngins out there. My sister is teaching Jr. High in Mississippi this year. Which means she is privy to the latest and greatest trends in young adult novels. And she and her kids are going batty over the "Hunger Games" trilogy ("It's the next 'Twilight!'" as one of her students exclaimed). I never liked a dystopia novel I didn't meet, so I decided to give the trilogy a whirl. I'm halfway through the second book, "Catching Fire" and I'm enjoying the series. But I was dismayed a few chapters back to see the dialog "I love you." "I know." dropped UNABASHEDLY!!! For the love I bear the books I'm going to pretend this was intentional homage. But if I catch any 11-teen-year-olds giving these books credit for such romantic patter, there will be consequences.

~Geek out

Uncle Touchy's Naked Puzzle Basement

2011-01-10T18:09:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Patton Oswalt comedies...

Let me splain:
I think this is the 3rd or 4th time I've mentioned Patton here. But I loves him. And he is the first comic I can remember making me laugh til I cried (his "Alvin and the Chipmunks" bit). I got to bond with my sister and her boyfriend over one of his shows this summer, but my husband was sadly absent. This week, however, we're going on a hot Patton date (after consuming some pho at nearby "A Dong." Heh). The show will be at the theatre where I briefly got to be a back-up dancer for Weird Al a couple years ago...geek-glee! And I thought my memories there couldn't get any better than sitting backstage with the "Fat" suit.

Anyhoo, I love the clip above because I was dying to see what Patton might say about Ratatouille in his act. I caught a couple interviews with him on the Disney channel before Ratatouille came out. Patton can be whimsical, but he's also surly as hell, and chatting with Disney's bubbly child hosts did not seem like his idea of a spendiforous day. Turns out he did die a little inside, but mostly due to the changes the movie wreaked with his Halloween celebrations. Plus the title quote almost makes my husband cry.

Odds on Patton talking about doing a book tour at the same time as Snooki?

~Geek out

I believe, I believe, I believe

2011-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
threesixty° Theater's "Peter Pan"

Let me splain:
This was my big Christmers present. My parents saw it in Orange County a while back, and then the run was extended so I got to play, too! The video doesn't do it justice.

And how many times did my lachrymal glands take flight? Twenty one. Twenty one freakin' times. Dude. That's not okay. There is something distinctly wrong with me. And remember folks, that's just spillover.

So what's my deal? Well, I'm a legitimate "Peter Pan" geek. I own 32 different printings of the book. My first 5 paragraph essay in Jr. High was entitled "Hook: Protagonist?" I've seen probably 7 or 8 different stage versions. And this one was fantastic. Wonderful combination of stage hijinx and nifty technology (albeit fairly shoddy CGI). And many little details that I absolutely adored. A Tinkerbell reminiscent of Björk. Hook's hook on the right and correct side (harder for the actor, but makes Hook more badass for RE-learning to fight left-handed). Bonus points for blood splattered hook cuffs. The best depiction of Wendy meeting Hook that I have ever seen (Barrie writes that Wendy was entranced by Hook...which allows Hook to stick around long enough to realize that Slightly has grown tubby from an addiction to water and that his entrance to the home underground will accommodate a fully grown pirate). And, beautifully, a moment added early in the play where Peter calls Wendy by her mother's name. This killed me.

After the show, my husband asked me to estimate the happy/sad tear ratio. I think happy won out. I didn't cry at Hook's demise, which is a rarity. A lot of the tears were purely whimsy induced. But the play is also wrenching. Which is to be expected from a children's story which concludes: “Thus it will go on, so long as children are gay and innocent and heartless.”

~Geek out

Vacation Fail!

2010-12-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

Back 1/3/11...

O Holy Night

2010-12-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Quintessential Hallmark Christmas commercial...

Let me splain:
I'm pretty sure we snagged this commercial on VHS while taping Hallmark's 1987 "The Secret Garden," so I saw it quite a bit growing up. We lived in Orange County...my big sister eventually headed to New York for college, so she was dependent on the whims of planes and weather to get home. I later went to college in Northern California, so I had to cross through the occasionally treacherous Kern Country "grapevine" on my drive home for Christmas. We always both made it on time...I loved sneaking home a day early, especially when weather promised to be fickle.

My sister just arrived home. I'll be heading home in a couple days and I just got off the phone with my parents. As we started discussing the weather, my sister ran to the window and pretended to look outside with expectant concern. We have had many cheesy family moments reenacting this sap-tastic commercial.

~Geek out

Mythbusters II

2010-12-13T19:30:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up: An unprecedented second week of celebrating the Mythbusters, thanks to their recent episode featuring a very special guest...

Let me splain: Alright, call me lazy. But I gots a good excuse for using the same tear fodder two weeks in a row. Not only did I cry at the Presidential Mythbusters last week, the HUSBAND cried. I have known my husband for over a decade. I have seen him cry exactly 3 times. One was an excruciatingly sad funeral. In the other two situations, science was to blame. "Steamboy" was the first culprit. It's been a while since we watched it and neither of us can remember whether it was a line by Eddie Steam or Lloyd Steam that made him cry. He's trying to claim it was Lloyd, who pushes for science with heart. I believe it was actually when power-hungry Eddie states "Science should reveal universal principles, not assist humanity in its folly."

Jaime's closing statement on this week's Mythbusters was a happy medium between the two Steams--a heartfelt celebration of the pursuit of knowledge. Exactly what the episode set out to achieve. Without getting too political, this is the most excited I've been to see Obama on TV since the election. And while (spoiler alert) the myth in question was not born out, Jaime's closing words made standing in the sun all day to NOT set something on fire seem noble, purposeful, and super cool. And then my husband covered his face with a blanket.

~Geek out

Balloon Girl

2010-12-06T19:18:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up: "Balloon Girl" on Mythbusters

Let me splain:
Where science and whimsy meet, there are bound to be gleeful tears. Nertz to "Balloon Boy's" family for tainting the joy inherent in the myth's title alone. This is one of those undertakings that my husband and I can both truly delight in--childhood fantasies made real through the power of maths! Plus this episode features Kari at her most adorable. Both Kari and ex-mythbuster Scotty rock pretty hard in the balloon popping sequence.

Incidentally, for you Mythbusters and/or comedy geeks, I highly recommend you take a listen to Adam as a guest on the Nerdist Podcast. Mr. Savage tries his hand at stand-up, with great aplomb, and also geeks out on Star Wars and the joy of making stuff look like stuff.

~Geek out

Operation P.R.O.M

2010-11-29T17:21:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Last week's Venture Bros season finale.

Let me splain:
It's a rare prom episode that fails to make me cry, and Venture Bros was no exception. Brock's final mad dash to the compound did evoke a tender tear. I'm a sap for Warburton. And hilarious failure. And this beautiful show.

More importantly, I wanted to do this as a shout-out to the good folks at AstroBase Go! Their noble effort helped to keep this past weekend from turning truly tragic for my spousal unit and me. Thanks to past episode "Are You There, God? It's Me, Dean," my husband knew to get himself to the ER right away on Friday. Consequently, he still has two balls. Doc and Jackson, we love you.

Seriously boys, if you've ever had pain that feels like a twisted testicle, even if it went away after a few minutes, talk to your doc. Apparently they aren't supposed to be able to twist at all--you may have the Bell Clapper Deformity, which can be fixed with a minor surgery, and prevent your balls from ever getting so twisted up that they DIE.

~Geek out

Deathly Hallows Part I--Tear Countdown

2010-11-22T18:01:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
The 8 movie moments that induced salty spillover in the most recent Harry Potter installment. Spoiler heavy...

8. Hermione "obliviating" her parents

7. Charity Burbage calling out to Snape

6. Harry taking a last look at the cupboard under the stairs

5. Hedwig's death

4. Harry and Hermione at his parents' grave

3. The Doe patronus

2. Dobby I (Dobby's death)

1. Dobby II (Harry saying they'll dig the grave by hand)

Let me splain:
I don't retain a whole lot of detail from anything I read, and the HP books are no exception. This leaves me in the delightful position of thoroughly enjoying every movie, rather than leaving miffed because of details they left out. Deathly Hallows Part II has the potential to violate this rule since I do absorb Snape trivia rather well. But I actually just ran into some photographic evidence that the epilogue WILL be included, so yay.

I was fairly certain that DH Part I would end with Dobby. I believe I mentioned in a previous post that I ran across pics of them filming Dobby's burial sometime last year and that was enough to undo me. If Dobby's death hadn't led to tears, the movie would have been a complete failure in my eyes. But, as with reading the book, it led to several waves of tears. In fact, in anticipating this sad moment, I almost lost it a few times during Dobby's sometimes hilarious, sometimes moving lines at Bellatrix's house before the final, fatal moment.

There were 4 or 5 other solid moments of tear-up sans spillover, but I didn't keep track of these. I do recall that one was Scrimgeour going through Dumbledore's will (always pictured Billy Connolly in this role--if only to give the wig folks a break--but I loved Bill Nighy).

Anyhoo, as with the books, Dobby took the cake for tears. Which, as I've noted, shocked me since until this scene Dobby had always stuck me as mildly annoying. While viewing the movie, the Doe patronus came in a close second for tears. Even I was surprised the sobby-goodness here. Snape girl, through and through.

~Geek out

Optimus

2010-11-15T16:50:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
The death of Optimus Prime.

Let me splain:
This is for all you XY chromosomes. I'm a lady. I didn't have much of a relationship with the Transformers as a kid. But I was blown away by my husband's reaction to Optimus when we settled in for a weekend with the cartoon dvds 6 years ago. And when we went to see the first live action movie. The look on his face when Optimus spoke was akin to something I've seen him share with his Dad on one or two special occasions.

When I was at college, the resident university comedy magazine noted that it's really easy for a guy to attract the ladies in English class by pointing out that ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING is a Christ metaphor. I won't belabor the point. Whatever your stance on spirituality and religion, it's not difficult to be drawn to characters that emulate love and sacrifice. It's why Christina Ricci has an Aslan tattoo, for goodness sakes. Whether you think these characters are fictional shadows of a factual creator, the stuff of Jung and Campbell piped through our blood and brains, or simply great writing, they're pretty kick-ass. And I think it's rather nifty when we get a glimpse of what makes us human through a lion or a robot.

~Geek out

PS--Potter geeks: I will be keeping tear minutes during the movie this weekend. Play along and we can compare!

The Sting

2010-11-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

Let me sum up:
Futurama episode, "The Sting"

Let me splain:
While searching for photos I found a thread declaring this the worst episode ever. Those dudes are crazy. If you don't love heart wrenching Frye/Leela storylines, you don't love Futurama. I dig their relationship because it reminds me of my husband and I in high school...we didn't start dating until we were 21, and I think that was a good call. Frye will get there (as we saw in recent Futurama movies).

Anyhoo, the episode is delightfully psychedelic, and the ending makes me very weepy. But hey, if poignant twist endings and trippy sing-alongs aren't enough for you, this episode is still golden because it has a callback to the fact that Frye copulated with a radiator.

~Geek out

Disneyland Commericals

2010-11-01T18:14:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up: Um, pretty self explanatory.

Let me splain:
Man, I have been at this for a couple hours now. I'm fricking exhausted, and about to go into a coma from all the sugary, cloying goodness. These are not for the faint of heart. But man, I love them.

I actually set out tonight to find my favorite Disney commercial ever, and failed. It's the one where the Grandpa says his ears don't work too well, and then his granddaughter gets him some Mickey ears. LOVES IT. Last week one of my supervisor's discussed a Vietnam vet he's working with whose main therapeutic goal is to be able to take his granddaughter to Disney World. That's the good stuff.

Incidentally, there's been a recent campaign showing footage of parents surprising their kids with a Disney trip. This one is especially near and dear to me. My parents took the ruse one step further--starting the day by telling us we were going to the dentist. Youtube is full of surprise videos. The kids usually go into shock, and then often become oddly mature and detail oriented, with comments like "But I have to go to school, don't I?" Or, as in this video, "Where's our shoes!?"

~Geek out

A Pining Pumpkin and Tim Curry Props

2010-10-25T16:24:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
It's a Halloween two-fer, with...

"The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile"

and "The Worst Witch"

Let me splain:
Wow, finding the first video was a total nostalgia trip for me. This movie was one of our trusty, VHS recorded TV specials growing up. My big sister's room was Raggety Ann and Andy themed when she was little. My mom actually made really cool Raggety costumes for herself, my dad, and my sister for my sister's very first Halloween. Anyhoo, I don't remember jack about the plot, except that it centers around an unwanted pumpkin (picture the tree from "A Charlie Brown Christmas" if it were a pumpkin, and could talk, and CRY FRICKIN' PUMPKIN SEEDS!!!)

I first saw the second movie, "The Worst Witch," in 5th grade. Which was right around the time I realized that Rooster in "Annie," Darkness in "Legend," Hook in an after school "Peter Pan" cartoon running at the time, and Dr. Frankenfurter (who theatre pals had just introduced me to) were all the SAME AMAZING ENGLISHMAN. The scene I've posted above is the ending. I know that I would cry if a wizard played by Tim Curry declared it a half-holiday thanks to my awesome heroism, and then asked me to go flying with him. With Mrs. Garrett's blessing, of course. Jump to 2:12 in the clip above for optimal Curry smarm-tastic-ness. X-Entertainment did an amazing run down of this movie many years ago. If you're going for chuckles, not tears, please enjoy this mind blowing song:

~Geek out
(You're not the worst witch, anymore!)

Finding Meaning in Pain--Doh!

2010-10-18T18:54:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
This awesome bit from Simpsons episode "And Maggie Makes Three."

Let me splain:
So if you're a heathen and haven't seen the episode...it starts with Lisa asking why there are no photos of Maggie in the family photo albums. In a series of flashbacks, we learn that after Bart and Lisa were born, Marge and Homer got their finances under control and Homer quit his job at the power plant to take up his dream job of working at a bowling alley. However, celebratory snuggles led to Maggie's conception. Homer had to beg for his job back. Mr. Burns complies, but places a demoralizing "DON'T FORGET YOU'RE HERE FOREVER" plaque above in Homer's work station. In the final shot we learn that Homer used Maggie's photos to transform the plaque.

I described this scene last week during a seminar I'm taking on Logotherapy--I barely got through the punch line. Logotherapy was devised by Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl, and focuses on the human ability to seek meaning in life, even in suffering. Taking a page from the books of Logotherapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, kicking it about values is a major part of what I try to do with clients. Values tend to be tricky because they go hand in hand with pain--typically you aren't hurting unless there's something in the picture you really care about. And the things we care about give us all the reason we need to walk through hell. Or Mr. Burns' yard. Release the hounds.

~Geek out

Rorschach

2010-10-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Rorschach's death in "Watchmen"

Let me splain:
This one comes at the request of Smeagol92055 who asked for a reaction to "Watchmen." Rorschach's the biggest source of tears for me here...though The Comedian comes in a close second, especially now that I'm working at the VA.

The picture is from me watching Rorschach's death scene in the movie--Jackie Earle Haley is friggin amazing--but the book has a similar impact on me. Rorschach has some obvious pulls for a psychology geek (every now and then I get someone who is sad I don't throw ink blots at them). Mask aside, his tie to the Kitty Genovese murder is a slick backstory facet.

I have some pretty inflexible notions of how I'd like the world to be. And I've seen glimpses of how this rigidity can get in the way of life. When Rorachach invites death, it's clear he sees it too.

~Geek out

Ghostly Flash Mob

2010-10-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Improv Everywhere's stunt at the New York Public Library.

Let me splain:
It's rare for me to encounter a flash mob video that doesn't reduce me to tears. Doesn't matter if it's essentially a commercial for a new reality show or a performance for a wacky talk show mogul. Synchronized human movement is sexy as hell...but this only really applies to musical mobs. With musical mobs, I get a kind of perverse delight from the fact that a group of people are countering my husband (and many other folks') main objection to musical theatre--when do people ever burst out into song and dance in unison?

But whether your mob is musical, riddled with zombies, or simply absurd, the common delightful thread seems to be introducing the possibility of the impossible into everyday life. And when everyday life seems to be overrun with fear and apathy, there's something really neat about the way spectators in these videos gradually overcome their surprise and confusion and buy into the whimsy. I was super bummed last winter to miss an adorable mob of high school kids at our local grocery store (love the old guy who just wants to keep picking out apples). I'm confident that if I ever do find myself witnessing a flash mob I will be reduced to a puddle of laughter and tears. And I look forward to it.

~Geek out

PS--If you enjoyed Improv Everywhere's Ghostbusters video, check out their Star Wars Subway video.

Learning Is Forever

2010-09-27T18:15:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Story Corps >> Germans in the Woods

Let me splain:
I know I've posted a fair amount of sad tears, but this one was probably the most painful for me so far. In the photo you can see remnents of the "stork bite" that would pop up when I cried as a kid--looks like a little paw on my forehead. I can't find anything online about stork bites reemerging in adult life...maybe I've been crying too much.

The photo also provides some evidence of both my NPR geekery and psychology geekery. Let's start with NPR. StoryCorps is a non-profit organization with booths set up in several major city's where people can come to have their stories heard. StoryCorps has a weekly segment on NPR's "Morning Edition." Their stories also pop up on "This American Life" from time to time. This is the show that introduced me to NPR. My sister and I were road-tripping to the Monterey Bay Aquarium when I first heard "This American Life." It was an episode about fabricated realities. We were in the middle of a segment where they took a historian to Medieval Times (essentially, Arthurian Disneyland) when we started to lose reception. My sister drove for the remainder of the hour with her hand out the window desperately trying to keep the antenna in check. NPR and "This American Life" are chock full of touching, pointed, delightful, and wrenching little bits of humanity. Many of which make me cry. So I was excited to read that they've made animated shorts out of some StoryCorps stories.

As to psychology...I am currently on an internship to finish my graduate degree in psychology. I'm working at a VA and picked the PTSD program for my first major rotation. One of the most important ideas I've picked up during grad. school (from a wonderful, behaviorally oriented supervisor who reminds me of Dumbledore) is the fact that learning is forever. If I say "twinkle twinkle little _____" to you, no amount of therapy is going to stop the word "star" from popping into your head. You can learn new things, and you can choose to change your behavior, but learning is forever. Vets with PTSD know this better than anybody.

"And I don't know how to get him...off my mind."

~Geek out

They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

2010-09-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Sam's Speech from "Two Towers"

Let me splain:
Oh man. Sean Astin. Adopted son of John "Gomez Addams" Astin. You have brought me many geeky tears. First you made hunting for pirate treasure look even more awesome than it already is. Then you actually made me care a little bit about football. But it doesn't get any better than this speech. Reminds me a bit of this picture and quote from awesome "StoryPeople" creator, Brian Andreas...

"Anyone can slay a dragon, he told me, but try waking up every morning and loving the world all over again. That's what takes a real hero."

~Geek out

PAX Double Whammy

2010-09-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
My reaction to....

1) The PAX Wedding Proposal

2) Tycho's post regarding his Mom and gaming

The high point of the show for my Mom was watching "Of Dice and Men" the first night. Playing host to dramatic theatre is not, strictly speaking, in the PAX charter. We talked about moving parts on Wednesday, but if you want to talk about some moving-ass parts, a stage performance constitutes an authentic whirligig. It takes some fucking balls to put on a show anywhere, let alone in a converted convention room. Something special must have happened in there, though, because people wanted to talk about it for the remainder of the show.

My mother has never entirely understood roleplaying. I don't intend to belabor the point, but when I was a young man it was the position of our church that Dungeons & Dragons held within it the clustered seeds of apostasy. She was so bewildered by what she had seen during Of Dice and Men that she made it a point to attend our D&D Live panel, where her son and his friends played this mysterious game on stage. The devil did show up, true, and we did go to hell, just as the clergy had suggested we might. Except in the actual version of events, as has happened so many times, we stood against the King of Lies at the very gates of his damned realm and emerged triumphant.

My mother came up to me after the panel was over, saying, "I'm sorry, Jerry. I'm sorry." She wiped the corner of her left eye with her thumb. "They told me it was something else."

(CW)TB

Let me splain:
I have yet to attend a Penny Arcade Expo. My husband was at the original Necrowombicon--30 dudes hanging with Gabe and Tycho at a mall arcade and food court. He's old school. We fantasize about moving to Seattle one day, and dressing up fancy for the Child's Play Charity Auction each year.

In the meantime, I sate myself with such PAX news as pops up on the internets. Last Friday I heard that new hire Erika got engaged onstage during the expo, so I popped over to youtube to check out some video of this momentous event. I then emailed my husband so that he could feign surprise at the fact that I'd cried during said video. He mocked me roundly, and then pointed out that Tycho's Friday post would also likely make me cry. It did indeed.

I've actually only played D&D once, in an adventure made possible by lovely DM Kato (one of Geek Tears' 8 kindly followers to date). My husband kept inviting me over to play during high school, but his parents usually weren't around, and my parents didn't like the idea of me alone in a house with 4 testosterone fueled nerds and a bag of dice. But I love the game. I love everything it gave my husband. I also love the ways that families evolve and change over time...Tycho's post speaks to this quite niftily. I still remember the wonderful moment when I realized my Mom had gone from viewing the "The Simpsons" as something crass and offensive to something she was comfortable laughing at. Anyhoo, the photo of me reading Tycho's post doesn't show tears very well. But I love my husband laughing at me in the background.

Incidentally--this little blog usually gets 2-4 hits a day, driven almost entirely by traffic from my youtube channel. When I saw I'd gotten a whopping FORTY hits today, I new something was up. Thanks to Cyriaque Lamar from i09 for posting a link to my Dr. Mrs. the Monarch video and to stealthyslyth and Veg1v0 on the twitters making internet bird noise about it. And for any folks moseying this way for the first time--welcome! Ummmm, I'm a geek who cries easily. When I'm not working on my PhD in clinical psychology I enjoy making silly costumes and doing stand-up. Let's be pals. I come bearing gifts.

~Geek out

Scissorhands

2010-09-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Edward Scissorhands goodbye.

Let me splain:
I would have done the "Hold me." "I can't" scene, but the only youtube vid of it that I could find had Japanese subtitles.

But seriously, only Johnny can do that much with a simple gesture like closing his eyes.

Happy Labor Day! I love being a federal employee, and sleeping next to my husband more nights than not in a week.

~Geek out

Dragon Love

2010-08-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up: The goodbye scene in kid's book "Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher."

Tiamat stepped forward. Jeremy could feel her slipping away from him. He closed his eyes. Don’t go! he thought desperately. Don’t go!

Jeremy suddenly felt like he was being torn in half. He cried out. As he did, he heard an answering squeal of pain. Opening his eyes he saw an awful sight. Tiamat, half in the circle and half out, was shaking with terrible spasms. Light sparked and flashed around her.

“Something’s holding her!” cried Miss Priest.

Mr. Elives turned to Jeremy. “Let her go, you little fool!” he shouted. “Let her go!”

Miss Priest ran to Jeremy’s side. “Let her go, Hatcher,” she cried. “She’ll die, trapped between two worlds. If you love her, you have to let her go.”

A great sob tore from Jeremy’s throat. Go! he thought. Go home!

And then it was over. Tiamat was gone, and the place where they stood was plunged into darkness.

Let me splain: When I was working my first summer at Disneyland, a fellow cast member revealed that he'd also loved this book growing up, and bawled his eyes out at this scene. That was enough to make me briefly consider the possibility that he was my soul mate.

For many childhood years I thought I had the power to talk to unicorns. So I totally jived with the whole "psychic-link to mythical creature" bit. I've been taking in a lot of John Lithgow lately, and this scene smacks strongly of his goodbye in "Harry and the Hendersons." Letting go of someone you love for their own good...is teh sux0r.

~Geek out

Generosity En Masse

2010-08-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up: Buffy's Prom award.

JONATHAN: We have one more award to give out. Is Buffy Summers here tonight? Did she, um...this is actually a new category. First time ever. I guess there were a lot of write-in ballots, and, um, the prom committee asked me to read this. "We're not good friends. Most of us never found the time to get to know you, but that doesn't mean we haven't noticed you. We don't talk about it much, but it's no secret that Sunnydale High isn't really like other high schools. A lot of weird stuff happens here."

Crowd outbursts: Zombies! Hyena people! Snyder! (Laughter).

JONATHAN: "But, whenever there was a problem or something creepy happened, you seemed to show up and stop it. Most of the people here have been saved by you, or helped by you at one time or another. We're proud to say that the Class of '99 has the lowest mortality rate of any graduating class in Sunnydale history. (Applause from the crowd). And we know at least part of that is because of you. So the senior class offers its thanks, and gives you, uh, this. It's from all of us, and it has written here, "Buffy Summers, Class Protector."

Let me splain: Pah, this one don't need splainin.

~Geek out

Bat Tears

2010-08-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up/splain:
Here are the top 10 “Batman the Animated Series” episodes most likely to make me cry. Alright, a couple are technically “New Batman Adventures.” And several folks make multiple appearances (I like Baby Doll, dang it). But here they are…

10) Harley and Ivy

“Somehow I don’t feel like my old perky self—somethin's missin.”

9) Love is a Croc

Baby Doll getting smacked by Croc. And then finding out he’s cheating on her.

8) Appointments in Crime Alley

“Good people still live in Crime Alley."

7) Harley’s Holiday

“I’m having a bad day! I’m sick of people trying to shoot me, run me over, or beat me up!”

6) Baby Doll

“I didn’t...mean to.”

5) Heart of Ice

“I failed you. I wish there were another way for me to say it. I cannot. I can only beg your forgiveness and pray you hear me somehow, someplace... someplace where a warm hand waits for mine.”

4) Harlequinade

“Baby, you’re the greatest.”

3) Two Face (Part 1)

Grace. In the hospital corridor. With the roses. Then his scream.

2) Mad as a Hatter

“I’ll cut that cowl off your neck before you take her. I’ve waited my whole lonely life for her!”

“Would not, could not...would not, could not...oh, could not join the dance.”

1) Mad Love (Pretty much the whole episode...I could throw a dozen other moments in here)

“Stop it, you’re making me confused!”

“I finally see that slime for what he is: a murderous, manipulative, irredeemable...
...angel!”

~Geek out

Sullivan Ballou Tears

2010-08-09T19:27:00.001-07:00

Let me sum up:
Video of the amazing "Dear Sarah" letter from Ken Burn's "Civil War" documentary. Plus a viewing photo.

Let me splain:
This is for all you history-geeks and romance-geeks. My Dad is a huge Civil War buff and I remember him playing this scene over and over when I was a kiddo. Quite right, Pops. That's some breathtaking letter writing. And some breathtaking violining while we're at it.

I think we have souls that'll last beyond these fleshy shells. If I'm wrong...I'm pretty happy with how I'm spending the time I have. But man...I sure hope Sullivan is right about that eternal after party. In large part because I enjoy spending time with that wacky husband of mine.

~Geek out

WOW Orphan Etiquette

2010-08-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Screenshot of World of Warcraft orphan, Salandria, and my undead priest. And text of the thank you letter you get when you complete this quest chain.

Dear Bellal,

Thank you for taking me out during Children's Week. Lady Liadrin, the leader of the Blood Knights, has asked that I be released to her custody for training in Silvermoon City!

I just wanted to thank you for taking me to see my friend, Hch'uu, as well as the Dark Portal, the Throne of the Elements and the Caverns of Time. I like my toy dragon very much!

I'm sure that you're taking good care of my pet. Please tell him that I miss him!

Sincerely,

Salandria

Let me splain:
Note: "Bellal" is a Bela Lugosi thing, and in no way a Twilight thing. For those who do not partake in the WOW--there's a world event called Children's Week. The week includes a series of quests where you can adopt an orphan and take them on maaaaagical adventures. As you might have noticed by now, I'm a GIANT sap. I love these quests. They are chock full of whimsy. And adorable pets as quest rewards don't hurt. It is to be expected that I got a little choked up while completing these quests for the first time last year. What I wasn't expecting was the friggin' thank you note that pops up in your mailbox soon after you complete the quest chain. Thanks to my Mom, I'm a little bit of an etiquette-geek. And yeah, I totally cried when I read the letter. Who knew a little NPC courtesy could wreak such havoc? Please don't use this as a reason ladies shouldn't play video games.

~Geek out

God Hates Hate

2010-07-26T20:09:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Photos from the battle of Westboro Church V. Comic Con...and one pic of me viewing said photos.

Let me splain:
When I heard that Westboro Church would be crashing San Diego Comic Con, I was a little worried the whole affair would end in tears. Tears of the punch-induced variety. I could vividly picture a principled, curmudgeonly geek taking a shot at these creeps. And shots indeed were taken. BRAIN SHOTS, YO!!!! Which made me cry happy tears indeed.

I had vented my concerns to my husband, and he sent me a link to the article above on Friday. Buddy Jesus was the salty clincher. God bless you, geeks. I am happy to let my lacrimal fluids pool around my nose in an unbecoming fashion in celebration of your noble efforts.

~Geek out

Firefly Farewells

2010-07-19T20:25:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
This week's tear fodder is the Firefly one-shot "Float Out."

Let me splain:
Yeah...the cover art made me cry. And there were more tears to follow. Wash's denouement in "Serenity" was jarring to say the least. Oh, I wish I knew how to quit you, Mr. Whedon! At any rate, this Wash tribute was much appreciated.

I read a couple reviews that summed up my major gripe with this comic...3 brand new characters drive the story. I'm a sap for Whedony characters we know and love and it took me a while to settle in with these strangers. But ultimately the novel narration provides a delicious slice of Washy goodness. The last page made me cry. I expected it would. No spoilers here. But yay.

The other reason I was poised to love on this comic til it reduced me to tears is the author, one Mr. Patton Oswalt. The past two years have seen a huge surge in my comedy-geekdom, and Mr. Oswalt is by far my favourite comic out there today. I just got to see him live for the first time a couple weeks ago...an awesome show delivered in a fog of baby-induced exhaustion and delirium. I actually got to see his occasional partner in crime Brian Posehn last weekend. Fatherhood is fitting both these fellas real nicely. Posehn had a great bit a few years back inviting folks to punch his baby if he ever had one and it dulled his comedy. But I really enjoyed how the whole person-making experience impacted both sets. And I can't help but think it added a little extra geeky stardust to "Float Out."

~Geek out

I'm Kind of Embarrassed to Use the Word "Gleek" but...

2010-07-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Glee finale clip with before and after photos.

Let me splain:
I try to avoid pop-culture that is actually popular to a fault. Example: I refused to read Harry Potter until 2001, and only after my best friend (now husband) insisted it was nifty. I had no intentions of partaking in the "Glee." But then I decided to do a community theatre musical last Fall. It soon became impossible to converse with the other theatre dorks surrounding me without "Glee" in my vocabulary. So I caved. And it has been a delicious good time.

Whether or not you're enough of a theatre geek to expose yourself to this kind of nonsense, you can certainly appreciate that some songs are just potent. "Bohemian Rhapsody" is one of those songs. Mix in childhood memories of head-banging with my sister and several moving "Glee" plotlines, and you get a teary firestorm.

~Geek out

Tears On Tuesday...

2010-07-11T13:19:00.000-07:00

Slight change...for anyone actually trying to follow this monkey business regularly. I have been posting in the wee hours of Sunday night/Monday morning but I'm switching things up a bit. You can now look for a new post every Tuesday!

~Geek out

Where's Your Kid Now?

2010-07-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
I cried 11 times during...

Let me splain:
No...really...11 times. And that's just counting actual tear-spillover. If I count any time I tear up, things get way to complicated. "Toy Story 3" was a good time indeed. Little known fact--it features Timothy Dalton in a cameo as Mr. Pricklepants. I was a huuuuge fan of Mr. Dalton in Jr. High (thanks to "The Rocketeer," BBC's "Jane Eyre," his 2 Bond films, and me having Mono in 7th grade). I got the chance to meet him at a fund-raiser 5 years ago (which I bought tickets to in order to meet another favorite sassy Brit, Tim Curry). Tim Curry was delightful. However, when I tried to tell Mr. Dalton about the hilarious "Buffy" scene where the geek triumvirate gets into the age-old "Who's the best Bond?" debate, and Andrew shouts, "Dalton should win an Oscar and beat Connery over the head with it!!!" Dalton got all snarly and replied "Sean Connery is a dear personal friend and I take great offense to such remarks." I cried sad tears indeed after being admonished by this sassy Welshman.

I thought about trying to retrace the 11 moments where I cried while watching "Toy Story 3." But that seemed tedious. I will say that after Disney wrangled Pixar into making "Toy Story 2" it felt like their hearts weren't quite in it (though I cried at that one, too). This time around they went daaaaark. A lot of the storyline revolves around new toy, Lots-o'-Huggin Bear (Lotso). I don't want to get too far into spoiler territory. But I love this character for two reasons. 1) He was introduced online in an AMAZING fabricated 1980's ad:

And 2) Lotso has some intense history. He's the one who coldly drops the title of this post, "Where's your kid now?" Lotso's history has given him a pretty skewed perspective on Toy-Child love. And I resented this perspective. Because here's the last pile of treasures that will be with me when head off this evening to spend my first night at my new apartment before my first day of internship:

That's Cuddles on the right. I got him at the Circus Circus Casino in Las Vegas when I was 5 years old. My maternal grandparents and Aunt were awesome enough to take me to Vegas as a kid. They were also awesome enough to buy Cuddles for me because they figured it would be a better investment than the booth games that were available to kids. They were right. Cuddles will be sitting in my lap during my drive this evening.

~Geek out

Statistically Yours

2010-06-27T22:13:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Email I'm sending to bid farewell to my grad school cohort...

"I wanted to send an email to ya'll before I head out to internship. I can Pollyanna-up lots of situations, but I can also imagine grad school experiences that would have been really miserable. I've loved my time here and a lot of my best memories involve you folks.

Life is full of uncertainty...sometimes it can be difficult to predict what the future holds. So as we continue heading off on different paths, I have this wish for all of you:

I hope that life treats you well. I hope that you keep pursuing the things you care about even when it doesn't, because a lot of people will be touched by the good, hard work you all are doing.

I also hope, on sunny days, that you guess it's going to be sunny and leave your umbrella at home (because no one likes to carry an umbrella when it's sunny out). But most of all, on rainy days, I truly hope that you guess it's going to rain and bring your umbrella with you. Because I think we all know what the awful alternative is."

Let me splain:
This is my first text-only post. Please take my word that tears were shed as I composed this missive. I think the email is pretty geeky because it's a build up to a statistics joke. Many of you geeks will recognize the punchline as a descriptions of type I and type II error, banes of science!

The email also hinges on an inside joke. The stats classes in our program are generally frustrating--they're taught outside the department and often don't apply to the kinds of studies most of us design (though this situation is gradually improving). The stats class we all took in our first semester of our first year was taught by a woman (we'll call her Sally) whose sunny demeanor and treacly tone might have been more at home in a kindergarten classroom. I'm pretty stats phobic, so I actually appreciated being a little patronized, but she rubbed most of my classmates the wrong way. After she did a lesson on probability that hinged on her distributing Salted Nut Rolls to the class, her command of our respect and attention flagged notably.

End game came during her lesson on type I/type II error. She drew the requisite hypothesis matrix on the board, filling it in with various scenarios involving weather prediction. When she wrote "Sally gets wet" in the type II error quadrant, it was pretty much all over.

~Geek out

The Ghost with the Most...Amazing Freakin Costume

2010-06-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
1) Video of Beetlejuice costume from 2007 San Diego Comic Con
2) Costume photo
3) Aftermath photo

Let me splain:
Given that my trickle of page views is at this point entirely driven by traffic from my youtubes, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I'm a giant costume-geek. I've been making my own costumes since I was a kiddo. And as I've gradually become more and more entrenched in geeky pop-culture, I've found more inspiration and opportunities to make and wear geektastic costumes.

I've now done the San Diego Comic Con masquerade a couple times--this gig is ridiculously fun and full of geeky innovation. But most years we can't get to SDCC these days, and on those years I obsessively search for photos and videos of the entries.

This Beetlejuice costume is from the 2007 masquerade. I completely lost it the first time I saw the video that summer. There's actually another video created by the costumer with better detail of the costume. However, the video from the actual masquerade always kills me thanks to the pure audience joy. Geek on my brother.

~Geek out

Potter. Harry Potter.

2010-06-13T00:00:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Photos from "Deathly Hallows" release.

Ready for reading.

Adorable HP.

Awesome Gilderoy reading to the kiddos.

Potter baby.

My Potter tattoo. That my husband skillfully applied. Without using water. Or hands.

Magical reading pile. With snacks.

p.476

p.481

p.658

p.758

Let me splain:
Dude, my first couple posts were a frickin' bummer. I swear my geek tears are usually happy tears. So here's a mix of happy/sad. Alright, it's still mostly sad. Next week, 100% happy, I promise.

So these are the Geek Tears banner photos in context. I won't blab in too much detail about them. If you're enough of a Potter fan that you have the book, you might have fun looking up the page numbers. If not, you probably don't care. I wasn't a huge Dobby fan, but that plot point came at such a quiet place in the book...unlike some other big tragedies that got lost in the action of the final battle, Dobby hit me really hard. And the descriptions of his tiny little body...aw man. I made the mistake of google-imaging something Dobby related the other day and ran into photos of them filming those scenes at the beach cottage. Ack.

These photos also testify to me being a villain-geek. Well, that's not quite fair. I love bad guys and I also love when characters shake up the line between good and evil. It's what made Trevor Goodchild so friggin fantastic in "Aeon Flux" (something that apparently totally escaped the makers of the horrendous movie version, where they decided to just chop Trevor into two separate people to simplify things. RAAAAAGE). Snape's motivations always seemed pretty clear to me and I LOVED how much back story we got to confirm this. His final words were wrenching. And Harry's words in the epilogue were tear-jerking awesome sauce.

~Geek out

Do Androids Dream of Dirty Martinis?

2010-06-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
1) Sci-fi-tastic Broken Bells music video for the song "The Ghost Inside"
2) Photo of "Mad Men" vixen Christina Hendricks rocking the crap out of said music video
3) Footage of me watching the last 20 seconds of said music video
4) Photo taken after viewing

Let me splain:
Dang it, "Syfy" channel, my brain broke a little when I tried to type Sci-fi-tastic, and I blame YOU. But your Cafe Diem mock-up at San Diego Comic Con last summer made me cry happy tears, so I'll let it slide. (The best part is, someone stole Fargo!)

I had something else planned for this week, but then I saw this video on io9, and by the time she hit the asteroid field I realized the video was definitely Geek Tears fodder, so I paused to grab my camera. I should note that I'm NOT a camera geek...I'm still playing with the best way to document tears (especially when it's a few quiet tears and not a big, puffy, red tear-storm). But there is definitely a rhythmic teardrop on the last beat of the viewing video. And I liked the aftermath photo because the woobly corneal computer reflection seemed vaguely android appropriate.

I know Christina Hendricks from "Firefly" and know of her in "Man Men" (Season 1 has been sitting on our shelf since Christmas, waiting to be consumed along with some bourbon on the rocks). I've read several interviews where she's talked about feeling uncomfortable with all the attention her body has gotten. Having the role of "Curvy Lady Spokesperson" thrown at you is probably a über-weird, especially when it pulls focus from the fact that you're also a very talented actor (and to the fact that curvy is still a wacky anomaly). Given this state of affairs, I think there's something really cool--in addition to an amazing performance and old Hollywood glamor--that Christina brings to this role that say...Carmen Electra wouldn't.

One of the comments for the music video on io9 was simply SYMBOLISM. Fair enough. But like all the sexiest symbolism, the body dismantling probably hits different folks very differently. My ears are horrible at deciphering lyrics so I looked them up after viewing. Actually, I looked up a wildly flawed version of the lyrics that made the song seem almost T.S. Elliot-esque ("Don't let the lady finger blow in your hat?"). But once I got a good version I was able to see Broken Bells story of pragmatic, violent romance more clearly.

The lyrics and the video mostly hit me as a psychology-geek (and a person-geek). The therapeutic style I've dug the most is called "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" or ACT. Some basic tenants include the idea that suffering is more normative than we like to pretend it is--uncomfortable thoughts and feelings come along with being a conscious, verbal human being. Especially in situations where something you truly value is involved. And when you treat crap thoughts and feelings like things that have to be avoided at all costs, you usually start trying various strategies to control them and, oddly enough, these strategies usually lead to a whole new pile of suffering (can you tell the ACT folks are Buddism-loving hippies, yet?)

The craziest thing to me is how attempts to control crappy thoughts usually send us in the complete opposite direction of what we care about. And how easy it is to ignore this as long as those strategies help to shut up our minds...even for a minute. Another song I love that hits on this is "Late Night Test Subtext" by Riki Lindhome (sometimes she also sings awesome songs with Ted's adorable girlfriend from Scrubs, Kate Miccuci):

I never really liked you anyhow
I just don't want to be alone
So come on over, come on over
Cause you know make my mind...quiet

So yeah, one big reason for the tears was the fact that we all (myself verdy much included) do some really wacky--and often regrettable--things while trying to avoid/numb out/obliterate thoughts and emotions we don't want.

Feeling depressed? Sit on the couch and stare at the TV until you feel up to hanging out with friends.

Feeling anxious about a paper you want to do well on? Play on youtube for 5 hours!

Feeling full of existential android ennui because your life isn't getting anywhere? Convince yourself stardom will make you happy and sell everything you have to get there...including your means of getting anywhere.

~Geek out

Star Tours 2

2010-05-29T16:23:00.000-07:00

Let me sum up:
Photos taken after I read a Wil Wheaton tweet indicating Star Tours will soon be replaced with a freakin' pod race.

Let me splain:
I grew up as a theatre geek in the OC. That means I spent a crap ton of time at Disneyland--as a geeky annual passholder and later as an employee. Pretty much every date I've ever been on took place at Disneyland. My geeky husband's earliest attempt to express romantic interest in me was to buy an annual pass--a move which easily quintupled the amount of time we spent together. I have a complicated emotional history with this joint, and a whole lot of love and tenderness for it. I don't have much love and tenderness for the Star Wars prequels.

I should say that I went into the prequels with high hopes. Even after being fairly dissapointed with Phanom Menace and Attack of the Clones, I held out hope that Revenge of the Sith might bring it home for me. The husband and I camped out for Episode III two weeks before our wedding--we had meetings with both our DJ and the priest who married us in the Star Wars tent camp. After all was said and done, I ended up somewhere near Patton Oswalt in my opinion of the prequels (he likens detailing Darth Vader's origins to offering Jon Voight's glistening ball sack to an Angelina Jolie fan). The sad thing is--I'm a huge fan of villain origin stories. Pondering the childhood harms endured by the likes of Captain Hook was a favourite pass time as a teenager, and one of the reasons I chose to become a psychologist. If anyone was poised to love the prequels, it was me. But ultimately they made it clear that Lucas does a lot better with shiny things than actors.

I had just turned 6 when Star Tours hit Disneyland. Old enough to remember the ride it replaced, Adventure Thru Inner Space (being terrified I'd never return to my original size, or that I'd fall off that one really steep ledge). I loved Star Tours growing up. I loved the stewardess with the zany hair. I loved the wacky Paul Reubens robot. I loved the way it induced playful giddiness in my fairly stoic husband--he hollers and flops around like his life depends on it while on this ride. And I was always excited by the ubiquitous rumor that new adventures would someday be incorporated into Star Tours. Somehow I've managed to maintain this childlike excitement for the past two decades while blocking out the fact that after the release of Phantom Menace, any such update would clearly be driven by the prequels.

My husband and I are currently at grad. school in Iowa. We realized in January that 2009 was the first year in recent memory we didn't make it to Disneyland. We're heading to California in June and had been debating whether we'd have time for a Disney trip. The emotional kicker for me was the fact that when we get back from California I'm moving two hours away from our current Iowa home. My husband is not. I'm starting up the internship year that is required to complete my degree. I'll be getting an apartment and commuting home on the weekends. Paying for two homes while taking a pay cut is a bit of a bummer, but I'm really happy I got an internship at all, and a fairly close one at that. However, the prospect of 4-5 nights a week spent somewhere other than an awesome cuddle-pile with my husband is starting to hit me pretty hard.

So when I heard that Star Tours 2 is coming, that it is prequel based, and that Star Tours is closing at Disneyland in July, it was a scosh too much change for me. I went into the office where my husband was playing WOW, took a deep breath, and said "I really want to try to make it to Disneyland in June. Because they're turning Star Tours into..." and so the sob-splosion began.

~Geek out

Welcome to Geek Tears

2010-05-29T15:24:00.000-07:00

I cry easily. Some would say at the drop of a hat (at our wedding, my husband had one of his groomsmen carry a hat around and sporadically drop it to illustrate this point).

For years I've been collecting evidence of my overactive lacrimal glands. I've considered posting some of these tearful pictures and videos in the past, but there seem to be plenty of folks crying on the internet. Some absurd, some adorable. I recently discovered Crying Wife, which I love. I've been thinking more and more about niches to be filled in the online tear domain.

Last week I got some Star Wars related news that really set me off (post to follow). I realized that while it doesn't take much to get me crying, geeky subject matter is usually the culprit. Incredibly geeky subject matter. And that's why I decided to create Geek Tears.

Pretty much any media can get me crying (and I have a wacky, wonderful husband who does his best to seek out such media and email it to me), so I plan to post reactions to photos, books, videos, news stories, and more. Please enjoy the geek tears to come. And feel free to submit your own geek tears.